Isabel Maldonado - Serving The Kingdom

It's OK not to be OK

Sat, 6 Mar 2010 00:00:00 GMT

"It's okay not to be okay, just don't stay there."

I hear this term or phrase or some variation of this every week and I see it played out in every day lives. How does this happen? Especially in a church or Christian setting. The church I attend is big on open doors. No one is turned away because of their lifestyles, vocations or baggage. Instead, people are welcomed in with open arms and doors, literally. There is always a way to get involved and plugged in, ways to serve in the community and globally.

Last semester was very difficult for me. I went from being in constant ministry in Swaziland, to college life in Dallas, Texas. These are two very different roles. I knew that if I didn't get involved with a church body then it would be easy to stay away from church my entire time in Dallas. I visited a few churches, but the one that stirred my heart surprised me. It's a very large church, or at least larger than I've ever attended. How was I going to get involved or meet people? Was I really going to be able to build relationships in a church so large or was I going to be another face in the crowd? I'm usually fine being behind the scenes and unseen, but the entire Fall semester my heart was longing for community. I went to church every week, and yet I found myself longing after more. I was a hermit. I spent all my extra time looking inward to my selfishness.

I knew something had to change. In order for me to move forward in what the Lord has called me to do, I had to get involved with community. I had to have accountability in my life. I had to open up and be real and vulnerable with people around me. Was I really ready to make the change necessary or was I going to continue fulfilling my selfish desires?

I found myself in a multi-generational home group with people from all stages in life. I attend a women's Bible study, and I'm going through Recovery at The Village. Outside of the once a week church attendance, I have community, I have accountability and I have people to do life with, even if it is for only a few hours a week. Each group offers something different. Each of these studies are much needed in this time of my life. At first I was wondering if I was going too far with getting so involved, and have often thought about dropping out of one. But the Lord has not allowed me to do this. He has given me women and men to speak truth into my life, as well as challenging me in pursuing the Lord. In order to pour into others I have to first be filled with more of Him.

So how does this all tie in? In many Christian environments, it is NOT okay to not be okay. We have been trained to believe that as Christians our lives should be perfect and problem free. And out of this, hypocrisy is born. We wear this mask, making everyone around, believers and unbelievers alike, believe that we have it all together, that we are immune from the troubles of this world. But the truth is, behind all our masks, we lose ourselves, we lose sight of the Lord, we stumble and fall...a lot.

So this idea of "it's okay not to be okay, just don't stay there" is very relieving. It takes a lot of pressure off once one really grasps this. God doesn't want a future version of ourselves, He wants us just as we are, in our filth, as a mess...He is not surprised by anything we do or don't do. He is all-knowing before time began. He formed us and He loves us. He loves ME now. Not me when I have it all together. I guess the thing that I love so much about this church is that even the pastors are open and honest. The pastors shepherd us along, while being real and not trying to appear as something they are not. They go through Recovery, they admit when they have failed us, they don't deny having sin. There is no pedestal to separate us. We are all part of the Body of Christ and have been called to walk this journey together.

Snow Day!!!

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

One day, my roommate and I were planning on waking up early to work out. We both laid in bed, waiting for the other to get out for motivation. From above, I hear Hilda tell me, "It's snowing." So we agreed to go back to sleep. She had a class to wake up for, but the only thing I had planned for the day was my internship at my church. After getting out of bed, she said, "Isabel, it's really snowing!" I mumbled, "yeah, ok..." in my half awake, half asleep state, knowing that it wasn't real snow because I live in Texas...and it NEVER snows here--at least not real snow! By the time I dragged myself out of bed to begin my day, I looked out the window and I'm pretty sure if I were on the first floor I would have climbed out and played in the snow right then. However, the second floor is too high up to try and exit from. I called the church to let them know that I wouldn't be making the nearly 30 minute drive through the "treacherous" weather. They weren't going to be open anyway. Throughout the day I continued checking to see if my 3:30 class had been canceled. All I really wanted to do was play in the snow with my friends!

Between their classes, we went and played in the already 6-7 inches of snow after bundling up. The snow was not letting up. It kept coming down! I had never seen this much snow in north Texas! So here are some pictures from our snow day.

We hit a record for the most snow fall in one day EVER in this area, at 12.5" and they stopped measuring at midnight but the snow still kept falling! It was amazing! Our white chapel was barely visible with all the snow that continued to fall. We made snow angels, had snowball fights and enjoyed the snow while it kept coming! By the time I returned to my room and checked the status of my class again, I found out that I was FREE for the day! I didn't have to do anything and could still play in all the white fluffy stuff! It was gorgeous and we all loved being kids again! I hope you enjoy my snowy adventurous day as much as I did...and this was also the first time I've EVER had to dig my car out of snow!

Biblical Community

Thu, 4 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

I have found myself in the midst of a home group trying to do life together. We only meet once a week, but in that time we hold onto this core value of being a biblical community: "We were created to need each other, to exhort one another, avoid isolation, to be consistent and authentic. A biblical community is a place to confess sin and to share joys and sorrows. We are all hear and all bring something different to the table." I have been part of communities of various kinds over various times. One of the reasons I moved into the dorms on campus was because I knew I needed that community. After spending the past year with a group of people serving in southern Africa and seeking after the Lord together.

As I have mentioned, last semester was pretty rough trying to re-enter, adjust to school again, and seeking after this biblical community I have missed. After spending last semester in what seemed like a big mud pit, I decided to try and drag myself out of it. Of course this means that absolutely nothing I do will get me out. I chose to live in isolation and to avoid a consistent and authentic relationship. I avoided being real and vulnerable to those around me because I was afraid to begin a relationship that I knew would be ending by the time I return to Swaziland.

I decided to find a home group. At the time I was merely looking for one that was somewhat close to campus since I am unemployed. Even though I have only spent two weeks with this group of people, I feel that the Lord has brought us all together to be biblical community. He has brought us together to share our joys and sorrows, to confess our sins and to exhort one another. I can't say that I'm excited about all that a biblical community entails, but I'm definitely ready to get out of this mud I keep swimming in. I am excited about this opportunity to be challenged and to live in community with a group of strangers.

"Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body." Ephesians 4:25

There's no EASY button

Wed, 27 Jan 2010 00:00:00 GMT

A couple of weeks ago I went to a state park with my sister and her family. After cooking hot dogs for lunch and avoiding the hooks from the kids' fishing poles, we decided it was time for a hike. We stopped at the front desk to see if they had a map for the trails and soon enough we were on our way. However, the trail we chose wasn't very clearly marked. Even though we had this map, there were times that we had no idea where we were. We thought that we had found the correct trail and then ended up with fallen trees surrounding us. In my head I kept saying, "Maybe we should just turn around. I at least know how to get back to the place we started." But we pressed on. The sun was setting, there was no trail to follow and the trees were all around us.

I am the kind of person that likes to know the plan. I like to know what I'm getting myself into, what is expected of me, and have some kind of idea about the outcome of the situation. And I realized in the moments of "being lost" that I wasn't alone. Sure I didn't know how to get unstuck, but neither did the rest of my family. We needed each other to get from where we were to where we needed to be. That day still sticks in my mind so clearly. I try and try to get out of this place of unknowing, this place of being lost by myself. I feel like I'm being led astray many times and then I find myself surrounded by all of these trees and no sign of a way out. I have been there spiritually over the past few months. I have struggled through this re-entry phase, feeling lost and alone, secluding myself from the Body of Christ and wanting to go back to the place I started. But that is not the place that the Lord has called me to. He has called me to go on this adventure with my "family" (those that I find myself living amongst) and to keep pressing in. The end is near and it is going to be beautiful. Of course there are going to be times I want to give up, and I have tried. But I have had many patient friends that have challenged me along the way, encouraged me to keep fighting and pressing through.

I could have stopped and thrown a pity party, but that would have gotten me no where. In order to see the goodness that was waiting for me at the end of the trail, I had to keep pressing forward. I had to choose to say, "I am not going back to that place, I am going to trust the Lord during this time even when I can't see a way out, and I am going to walk in community with other believers. There is no other way out. There is not a magic pill that can take away all the problems or worries, there is no EASY button, but there is a God that is there waiting beside you, ready for you to give over your control, to help guide you along this journey that may be jacked up. But beauty and redemption are at the end of this trail. There are no more ashes but instead the Son that has been excitingly waiting for you to make your way to Him.

I'm still working on getting to the end of this path. I am definitely still struggling on this path I am on, but I know the promises the Lord has given me and I choose to hold onto those promises. Each day holds something new and it would be easy to throw my hands up and say, "game over" but the Lord has called me to something bigger. He has called me out to speak truth into the broken places, not only in my life but in the lives of girls all around me.

And the countdown begins...

Wed, 20 Jan 2010 00:00:00 GMT

I feel like I've been on this journey for a long time now and things are actually coming into place. After I was asked to return to Swaziland as staff, I was planning on being in school for a semester then finish up online, returning to Swazi in February 2010. Unfortunately, one of my classes I need in order to graduate is only offered in the class so I am in Dallas for another semester. I feel like there is a lot happening this semester (forgive me for speaking in semesters, but that's how my life usually happens) and over the next few months. On top of school, one of my classes is an internship at a location still to be determined and I am trying to mentally prepare for my last remaining months in Texas.

My goal is to be back in Swaziland by the beginning of June, but in order for this to happen, I have to have 100% of my support either pledged or in my account. Currently I am right at 30%. I haven't been as diligent in my support raising for various reasons. This should not be an excuse, but things have been difficult these past few months. The Lord has provided everything I have needed, but each month is another month He asks me, "Will you still trust me? Do you believe that I am who I say I am?" It's been 5 months since I've been back in America. These have been some very difficult months, being jobless, trying to pay for school, being in school, treating my African ailments I returned with as well as adjusting to America. Support raising has been on my mind, but not at the forefront. I have been talking about returning to Swaziland for so long and before I know it, June will be here. Some of you are already supporting me financially. To the rest of you, my prayers are that you will seek the Lord for where He might have you in this ministry partnership with me. I can't do this alone. I am not only asking for financial support, but I am asking for your prayers.

Swaziland is a difficult place to minister in because of the death and destruction that is all around. But in the midst of the death, God is breathing Life. In the middle of the destruction He is bringing Restoration. When I look into the eyes of the children I see His hope. I see a group of people that are hurting and recognize that the Lord is their provider, their healer and their comforter. My heart is in Swaziland. My heart has been in Swaziland long before I had ever stepped foot there. I know that the Lord has great things planned for this country and these people. They have been lost and forgotten by man, but the Lord knows each of them by name and He has called me to help speak up for those without a voice, and to make others aware of the forgotten.

If you are interested in supporting me financially, click on the Support Me link to the left and in the staff name put my name: Isabel Maldonado. If you are interested in supporting me prayerfully, please send me an email letting me know. While one time donations are greatly appreciated, I am in need of monthly supporters. I love you all and I am praying for you!

Amazing News: $20,000 Challenge to Stop Sex Trafficking in Russia

Wed, 30 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Dear Friends,

I'm excited to let you know that a generous ministry partner has awarded HopeChest a $20,000 grant to stop sex trafficking in Russia and challenged us to match it by midnight, December 31.

Since that's just 2 days away, I need your help (and voice) to help meet this challenge.

I sent an e-mail out earlier today to our supporters, and posted on my blog at http://www.cthomasdavis.com.

Your gift supports programs that have rescued many girls from forced prostitution. These programs saved Katya, and may have saved her best friend Nadya. Sadly, Nadya's life ended while working as a prostitute at a truck stop. Read more about their stories at:

http://www.hopechestpartners.org/russia.asp

If we meet this challenge, we can release $40,000 to support programs that protect girls from forced prostitution in Russia.

Your gift supports our Ministry Centers, Family Centers, Independent Living Centers, and other specialized outreaches that protect orphans. Through caring relationships and proven program models, we can help transform them into beautiful and healthy young adults. Make your gift at:

http://www.hopechestpartners.org/russia.asp

When you give, you are helping stop sex trafficking in Russia before it starts. You're helping HopeChest stay ahead of the prostitution rings that are targeting vulnerable orphans.

Imagine the horror of sex trafficking for a moment. A young girl leaves behind the rough orphanage life only to find herself tricked and trapped in sexual slavery--the worst of fates.

Our community centers and living programs in Russia offer not only a safe haven, but Christian role models to show the way. This network of people and places needs your support, and I urge you to help us meet this challenge and raise $40,000 for the children of Russia.

We can create these pockets of light in the darkness. Together, we can take back what the enemy has slated for destruction. The future of many young girls is at stake. They need your help today.

For the Fatherless,

Tom
CEO, HopeChest

P.S. Please consider a gift to HopeChest to meet this year end challenge and raise $40,000 to prevent sex-trafficking in Russia. Make it a monthly commitment to help girls all year round. Go to:

http://www.hopechestpartners.org/russia.asp

Merry Christmas!

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

These women impacted my life more than I even realized. They allowed me into their lives and trusted me with their families and themselves. They came to me for help and my eyes were opened to situations much larger than my own. Since being back in Texas, I have found out that two of these women have passed away. Every time I went to visit Dudu was a challenging experience. But on good days she had such a beautiful smile!

I know these last few posts were a little random, but it's definitely hard to sum up a year's experience in less than 20 photos. I pray that the Lord blesses you and your families and that you reflect upon the true meaning of Christmas today.

Just for fun...

This time last year I was surprised by 10 cans of Dr. Pepper in South Africa! It was fantastic!!! (Thanks Faith!)

2 days till Christmas!

Thu, 24 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Living in Nsoko was an interesting experience as well. My team had already left and I moved in with Pastor Gift and his family for the summer. For the first few weeks I was the only non-Swazi in the area, but I learned a lot about the Swazi culture. The youngest daughter wasn't a fan of white people and would run away from me and cry every time she saw me. Eventually though, I was one of the few white people she would let hold her. I loved the family and was very grateful for them allowing me to spend time working with them and learning from them.

Day 3 Christmas photo countdown

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Swazi church is definitely something I miss! Many days I found myself being the only white one in the congregation and many times I wasn't really sure what the message being given was about. But listening to the the church members worshipping the Lord was such a beautiful thing!

Christmas newsletter

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Day 4 Christmas photo countdown

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

The Luke Commission and AIM recently began working together, with TLC going to some of the carepoints we sponsor. I was able to shadow Echo and observe how things run on the field. I have a desire to become a nurse and Echo gave me the opportunity to practice a few things while on the field. We helped many people that day and were able to spend time providing new clothes and shoes for the kids in the area.

Day 5 Christmas photo countdown

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

May came around and debrief was upon us. We took the team down to St. Lucia, South Africa...a very beautiful place and a much needed break from all that had occurred over the past year. I love my team and it was hard saying bye to the great group that had become my family!

Countdown to Christmas day 6

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

We spent some time in Mbabane at the Sandra Lee Center. There were lots of memories associated with the center, and I still laugh at my co-leader getting stuck (that's a different story). But I absolutely fell in love with the kids at the center! They were excited to see us come around and even though we scared some on the merry-go-round (one almost flew off), they still came around to play with us.

7 Days till Christmas!

Sat, 19 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I love Swazi skies! And the house we lived in had a great view of the city and watching the sunsets and the lightning storms reminded me of the glory of the Lord...how Great God is and how small I am.

Then I moved out to Nsoko and moved from seeing the mountains to seeing the open sky! (But the other side was a beautiful mountain!) One morning I looked out my bedroom window and this is what I saw! There was so much fog that I couldn't see the mountain behind us or the school across the road.

8 days till Christmas!

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Debrief was a very relaxing and much needed time. We played on the beach, watched the sunset many nights, and remembering all the good times and not so good times from the past few months together. I was even able to go atop my first ever light house. It was a smaller one, but from the top it's a long way down!

9 Days till Christmas Photo countdown

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I had the wonderful opportunity to travel to Cape Town, South Africa with some amazing girls. We had fun driving "Retro Bill" through very hilly areas and teaching a couple of girls how to drive a manual car along the way. There were some moments I was afraid that we were going to hit someone else's car, but soon realized that Sarah was a much better driver than the rest of us combined! We met up with some other girls from our team to head up Table Mountain to watch the sunset over the city. It was beautiful!

I couldn't decide on just one photo for this day so I will give you a few more...that weekend is very special to me.

And because I love sunsets, here's one of my favorites!

10 Days till Christmas photo countdown

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

We had a very large team in South Africa...and our Thanksgiving was just as large (although I'm not sure which was bigger...SA or New Zealand!) My team was crazy and it was sad to separate from 2/3 of them to head off to Swaziland. There are many random memories with different people on the team, especially since there was an ocean right down the road and a KFC with lots of yummy Brownie Avalanche's!

URGENT: Stop Sex Trafficking Now

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

As you read this letter there are over 2 million children forced into prostitution and sex slavery.

This can be prevented and we can do something about it. These girls need our help and there isn't time to waste.

Right now, pimps and prostitution rings are targeting our precious, young girls. They wait for them to leave the protection of the orphanage, and then offer them a "job."

Many of the girls simply disappear: never heard from again by their friends. But sometimes you glimpse this horror.

Like the girl who was flung from the cab of a truck once her "client" was finished with her. She was paralyzed, never to walk again.

Or the young woman the police found in a ditch on the side of a busy road. Killed at the truck stop where she worked as a prostitute.

These were kids that could have been helped by our programs.

One of these stories is too many...2 million children is unfathomable. This is a direct result of evil having its way on the earth.

As Peter tells us, "Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." I Peter 5:8

We can't let him continue to destroy lives. You can stop this, and help reclaim a child's future.

HopeChest stops sex trafficking before it starts. In Russia, we are taking girls into residential living centers and community centers to actively protect them from the commercial sex trade. We identify girls early, while still in the orphanage.

Our staff form meaningful relationships to role model what successful living looks like. And when that girl leaves the orphanage, she knows exactly where to go for help--to HopeChest. She is not alone.

Amongst our girls, there is no sex trafficking. In fact, our transitional living homes have a 90%+ rate of helping girls find true independent life. This is the reality of God's Kingdom in action.

Right now these girls need you. Please go to http://www.HopeChestPartners.org and click the GIVE button to make a gift today.

You can make a gift in honor of a special person this Christmas. Perhaps you will honor someone who mentored you as we are helping these young women?

Help us stop sex trafficking now by reaching more girls in Russia today and into 2010.

11 days till Christmas photo countdown

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I remember the first weekend I spent in South Africa we headed to Bush Camp. It was absolutely FREEZING! I had a hoodie and my rain jacket on at the same time (and yes...socks on my hands)! We slept in "cabins" which were actually plywood walls. But it was definitely my welcome to the bush and to South Africa! The girls later became part of my ministry team to Algoa and Virginia's!

Swazi photo collage

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Well, I want to apologize for my lack of blogging. This semester has been an interesting one to say the least. I've been back in school and have actually been doing quite well (school wise). This week is finals week and then it's Christmas break for about a month. It will be a good break, but a difficult one. I miss my Swazi family and my team and most of the time I find myself thinking back to the lives that touched mine over the past year. It's hard to find myself surrounded by a country of indulgence when there are others that have never known indulgence. I'm trying to avoid being a grinch this Christmas, but I'm also trying to learn how to transition and live as a missionary on and off the field. I put together a small collage of photos that mean a lot to me, but there are so much more that I couldn't fit on the collage!

I'm sure you've seen some of these photos before, but I've tried to give a view of what my summer looked like in Swaziland. I pray that you and your families are blessed this year! I'll try to be more diligent at updating you with all that is going on in my life! Your prayers are welcomed and I value your prayers and support more than you know!

Christmas photo countdown

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I think I want to do a sort of countdown to Christmas, but with stories and photos from this past year. Will you join in with me for praying with those lives that have touched mine this year and have been such a blessing. And hopefully along the way you will see and "experience" ministry with me as well. My first story goes back to over a year ago when we all met as a team for the first time in Gainesville, Georgia. Team Africa was OVERWHELMINGLY large and we overran training camp for sure! I remember when the students began piling off the bus I thought, how am I going to learn 41 names and will I ever be able to know each of these students on a personal level. While I was able to master their names (not in the first week though), it definitely took longer to get to know each one, and there are times I regret not getting to know some more than others. None the less, each person on the team ministered to me in some way and they were family, if even for a short while. I am so thankful for their lives and offering to be servant leaders to the least of these!

This photo was on the bus on our way to an ATL (Ask The Lord) session, going into the community and asking the Lord what He wanted us to do and how we could pray for others in the community. It was only the beginning of many more memories to come!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I know this is a few days late, but since I find myself still sitting here with my sisters, it is still Thanksgiving holiday for me! This has been my first Thanksgiving to spend with the family in a few years, especially with being out of the country or even having to work (thank you unemployment for allowing me this time to spend with my family!)

I am thankful for

*All of my friends and family

*My wonderful supporters that have been with me throughout this past year as well as previous years

*Thankful for the provisions of God, especially during this time of unemployment

*And for the many things I take for granted daily

Here are a few pictures from my Thanksgiving with the family.

My sisters and just a couple of their kids

Christmas in the park! The kids posed without us telling them to!

My sister and I with our Thanksgiving pies...mine was a homemade apple pie...hers was a "homemade" wal-mart pumpkin pie

Grace Greater Than Our Sin

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Hymns are a beautiful thing. I remember when I was younger and going to church. I didn't like singing the hymns. I wanted to sing the contemporary music because it was upbeat and I could remember the words...really, I was making excuses. As I've gotten older, even though I am still young in many ways, nothing is better than singing a hymn from so long ago. The other day at church we sang this song and since then, I've been singing the refrain over and over because that is all I could remember! I am so quick to forget all that Christ has done in my life. Instead I focus on the issues that are right in front of me and I can't seem to get away from.

Marvelous grace of our loving Lord,

    grace that exceeds our sin and our guilt!
    Yonder on Calvary's mount outpoured,
    there where the blood of the Lamb was spilt.

    Grace, grace, God's grace,
    grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
    grace, grace, God's grace,
    grace that is greater than all our sin!

Sin and despair, like the sea waves cold,
    threaten the soul with infinite loss;
    grace that is greater, yes, grace untold,

    points to the refuge, the mighty cross.

Grace, grace, God's grace,
    grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
    grace, grace, God's grace,
    grace that is greater than all our sin!

Dark is the stain that we cannot hide.
    What can avail to wash it away?
    Look! There is flowing a crimson tide,
    brighter than snow you may be today.

Grace, grace, God's grace,
    grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
    grace, grace, God's grace,
    grace that is greater than all our sin!

Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace,
freely bestowed on all who believe!
You that are longing to see his face,

will you this moment his grace receive?

What other words can I say to better describe the grace that God so freely offers to us?

Dealing with Death

Sun, 1 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I've been back in America for about two and a half months now. A lot has happened and more is still happening all around me. Sometimes I am aware of how quickly time is flying by while other times I find myself getting caught up with the busyness that is American culture. However, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about the family I left back in Swaziland. The first month I was back I found out that Maswane had passed away. And then this past week I received news of Dudu passing away. While these deaths were expected, I am still at a loss as to what to do or even how to handle the news. I've realized that I don't know how to handle death. I guess that's the case for most young Americans.

In America, we spend a lot of time prolonging the life of loved ones. We have all of these preventative measures we take and all the medicines we need at our fingertips. In Swaziland though, that's not their reality. There are all these statistics about the average life expectancy being 30 years old, how the HIV/AIDS rate is around 44% and the majority of the children will grow up as orphans. I returned to America and a lot ha been going on. School is a definite priority and I don't know how I'm going to finish paying for this semester, work is hard to come by, and then I found myself at the doctor's office. I was treated for a skin rash I picked up from some of the kids as well as preventative treatment for latent TB. The doctor told me that it is important to take care of myself. While I know this to be true, everything inside of me couldn't stop but think about the kids I got this rash from or those I became infected with TB by. Who is there pleading the case for these kids? Who is telling the families that there are preventative measures that could be taken to prevent a disease from running through their already frail bodies?

Dudu was just a year older than me. She saw her son's first birthday, but won't be there to see his second. My last few weeks living in Nsoko, I found myself sitting in Dudu's house on a weekly basis, checking in on her, seeing how the family was doing and if there was anything I could do to help them out. While I knew that TB was a definite risk, that wasn't too big of a concern for me. Jesus didn't run from the lepers because he was afraid he too would become leprous, so why should I be afraid to sit with the sick?

Even in dealing with the latent form of TB, I still feel like people avoid me like I am some leper. My doctor even sits across the room. As humans we all want to feel accepted. But when people are sick the visits become less. When people are dying we avoid them because we would rather run from the pain than deal with it. I'm one of these people. There were times I didn't want to go across the street to visit Dudu. I was afraid of what I might find when I went over there. But there were other times I was so compelled that I couldn't do anything but make that 5 minute walk across the street. My last day in Nsoko I sat by Dudu's bed knowing it was the last time I was going to see her. I looked into her eyes and wished for so much more. And then I broke down. There was nothing left for me to do. I was looking into this young girls eyes and she was so tired. Dudu has taught me more about strength and courage than any class I could ever take. She has taught me more about life than any book I've read. She taught me about life and death and dying. And even in all these life lessons there are still so many unknowns about what to do after death.

When the Storms Come

Fri, 2 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I haven't lived in North Texas in almost 6 years now. I find myself back here, and at times it is a bit surreal. Everything is at my fingertips, I can go where I need to go, do what I want to do and be who I want to be. I attend a Baptist University and most of the time I go unnoticed. I can go about my business, attend all of my classes for my Christian Studies major and no one questions my beliefs, everyone assumes that I am a Christian, that I go to church every Sunday, that I spend time with the Lord every day of the week and since I have spent "x" number of months in "x" number of countries doing missions I am some kind of "super Christian." But this week it hit me. What happens when the storms come rolling in? It's been raining here a lot lately. For almost two weeks I saw the sun maybe one day. I didn't want to leave my room, walk to class or even get out of bed. Conveniently, that has also been my view of God. With the stress of returning to America, relocating back to this side of the state, being reintroduced to "life" in less than a week before school starting...the list could and does go on. I found myself not spending time with my Creator. The storms were coming and instead of seeking out safety and shelter from Him, I stayed hiding in the dark, refusing to move.

Yesterday I couldn't do it any more. I felt like I had nothing left, I was fighting by myself and I couldn't fight alone any longer. If I have learned anything about community, it is the importance of having them around to support and uplift in times of need. I've been struggling with being the oldest girl here. I joke with my roommate that I'm going through a quarter-life crisis. So I have had to fight back some pride and the lies that because I am older I have it all together. I'm afraid to let others around me see that I'm broken and empty. So last night I grabbed my iPod, put on my shoes and headed outside for a walk. It was dark and I knew there was only about 20 minutes left till security would come looking for delinquents to take back to the dorms. During my walk I knew that I couldn't do this alone. Conveniently, my RA is also in one of my classes and we had a paper due today. We are pros at procrastination so we had been talking most of the evening about what we needed to do for certain aspects of this paper. I ended up sitting in her room with her for a bit and then kinda let everything pour out of my mouth. She sat and listened. There was no judgment or condemnation, but rather I was met with support and love. More than anything, I was encouraged by the time I left...around 1am.

This morning I knew I still had quite a bit to do. I still had my paper to write...I hadn't even started writing it yet. I had a quiz for my night class to study for and a Bible study in between those classes. Everything that needed to be done had to be done before 2pm. But I made it my priority today to spend time with my Father. I headed down to the caf with less than 30 minutes of breakfast left. I grabbed something to eat and sat in the corner booth. And for the first time in weeks I had a sweet time of worshiping the Creator of the universe! The rest of my day was amazingly better, I finished my paper, studied for my quiz and was focused. I didn't find myself distracted by the troubles around me, but instead decided to find my rest and shelter in the Lord.

When the storms come where do you go?

Dallas Life; a homeless ministry

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Something that I really enjoy about DBU is how they implement Service Learning as an aspect to their teaching style. They recognize the importance of serving others around us as Christ did. When I first arrived here I stopped by the Baptist Student Ministry table and signed up to help out where needed. Not much later I was asked to come by and fill out an application for a ministry leader. I was open to serve where ever I was needed. And that place happened to be Dallas Life, the largest homeless shelter in north Texas. I knew nothing about this ministry, but I was excited to jump in and get involved... The first week we had quite a few kids. As we were walking in and up the stairs, the kids were yelling out, "The volunteers are here!" Soon enough the kids were in the small playroom and art room we were allowed to use and after a while I found myself with this little 2 year old boy. He was adorable! At first I was thrown off because i was playing with this small black boy and he was communicating back to me in English!

Last week we returned and this time I found myself talking with Kayla, a 12 year old girl. She is the middle child with 4 other siblings. While we didn't have any deep conversations, we still enjoyed each others company. On my way back to campus the Lord reminded me of something. It is in the moments that I feel completely inadequate; like with teenage girls; that He is there with me, even if I can't see the connection at the time. Whether in Africa, New Zealand or America, there are always girls dealing with some of the same struggles and issues. And the Lord has called me out, has set me apart, to speak truth to these girls, no matter their nationality. I'm excited for this opportunity over the next few months to develop relationships with these kids.

It could have been me

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 00:00:00 GMT

In a previous blog I wrote about Maswane. She is a 19 year old girl who is mostly bedridden and has this horrific skin disease. I had heard stories about her before even going to see her and still, the moment I walked into her one room mud and stick house, I was overrun with emotion. I sat and heard her story. I held her hand. I prayed for her as she laid on her bed on the floor, crying out in anguish. My heart cried out to God, "Please save her from this pain. Rescue her. Please." This was just the first visit. A few days later I returned with a girl from a short term trip and a translator. The sun was setting fast, but so many days had already passed since I last saw her. I couldn't get her face out of my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about Maswane. There was no turning back. I had to get back and sit with Maswane.When I saw her I wasn't seeing a person dying with AIDS. I saw a beautiful daughter of the KING! She is redeemed and loved!

So there I was with different creams, hoping that one of them would help soothe or ease the pain and provide some comfort. Here lies this young girl, dying from a disease given to her at age 5 after she was raped by a relative. I heard her story again and my heart began to cry out to the Lord, again. It was in this moment that I realized I could be Maswane. I could be a young girl lying in bed dying with AIDS forced upon me. I could be forgotten in a small hut in a country most people don't know exists. But because I was born in America, where the HIV/AIDS rate isn't at 46%, where even though I don't have insurance alternative health care options are available, where the average life expectancy is quadruple the amount of that in Swaziland, I am not this girl. Maswane was. I found out today that she passed away this week. Here I sit in Dallas, Texas. There are 30 young, healthy girls that have already lived past the age of what most children in Swaziland will live to.

While I can't fix the world, God has given me a story to share. He has given me a heart for the young girls in Swaziland that are faced with issues of unforgiveness and bitterness towards their abusers. I have been there. I have walked through this. And He has equipped me to bring healing to a generation that is fighting for their lives. Every day I sit here in my cozy room my heart breaks for those that I love in Swaziland. Those that may not have a meal to eat or a family to go home to. My heart longs to be back already and I have only been back in America for a month now.

***I do not have any pictures of Maswane. However, here are pictures of some of the beautiful children I love.***

Restoration

Sun, 30 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I've been thinking about this a lot and trying to sum up all that has happened over the past year. One thing that AIM is good at is making sure the debrief process happens, trying to prepare us for the transition back to America and relating our stories to our friends and family. Every journal I look in from the past year has something to do with restoration or redemption and the power of the cross. I have been back in America for less than three weeks and I haven't spent a lot of time thinking about all that has happened or how to communicate it effectively.

Today I went to church. (Always a good thing to do.) The Lord has been revealing to me a lot lately how important the body of Christ is and going to church is key! So, I struggled through the first part of church, but asking for God to take away everything that was of me so that I could focus on the message being spoken. The message was about "Victory Over Sin." One of the points that caught my attention was from 1 Peter 4:1. Jesus died for us. His death was a substitution for our death. Nothing we do will save us from sin and death and I can't conquer sin. Jesus is the overcomer who OVER COMES in me. Then we headed over to Romans 6:4.

"We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life."

We don't live like the Spirit is in us. We live like defeated wimps. We are victorious in Christ! Live like it. We don't live in the power that gives us victory over sin.

Then it was off to college Sunday school time. We read through the first few verses of Ephesians 1. We are chosen and adopted through Jesus Christ. When an adoption takes place our old name isn't who we are any more. We are a new creation. We have been given a new name and a new identity. So why do we keep going back? Why do we relive our past? We are REDEEMED by the blood of the lamb!

Then tonight I traveled to a town down the interstate a bit and was blown away. Not because of the feel good feeling from church, but because the Lord knew what I needed and met me where I was. Before my team left for South Africa in September, we gathered together as a team and spoke out the lies that we had been believing about the time we were about to enter into. Then we stood and held each other as we listened to a song by David Brymer called "Restoration." Interesting enough, this ended up being a big theme for me this year. Back to tonight. I found myself in this building with many people my age. The worship leader was playing his guitar and singing then he began singing this song.

You bring restoration, You bring restoration, You bring restoration, to my soul. You've taken my pain and You call me by a new name. You've taken my shame and in its place, you give me joy. You take my mourning, turn it into dancing. You take my weeping, turn it into laughing. You take my mourning, turn it into dancing. You take my sadness, turn it into joy. Hallelujah, Hallelujah, You make all things new, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, You make all things new, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, You make all things new, all things new. Hallelujah, Hallelujah, You make all things new.

The part that stopped me was "You've taken my pain and You call me by a new name." What a perfect ending to a beautiful day. I have been adopted. Everthing that defined who I was is no longer. I have been redeemed. I have been restored. There is no more shame because the Lord has taken it upon Himself.

Restoration is "The art of repairing or renovating."

After the message was spoken and they closed with a song, they allowed a time to sit and spend time with the Lord, talking with people if needed or just waiting upon the Lord. I sat with my friend close by. I sat in the presense of the Lord for the first time in a long time. The Spirit came and filled me up. Filled all the empty places that I have been seeking to fill. He allowed me to sit and rest and reminded me that He always wants me to sit and rest in Him.

I'm in Dallas!

Sat, 29 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Hey y'all!

I don't know how appropriate it is to begin a blog entry this way, but I seem to have found myself surrounded by very interesting people. And they speak the cowboy/country English. It's beginning to rub off on me a bit, but I'm still trying to resist :)

So I find myself in this new environment, this new setting that I feel I have been trying to avoid for a very long time. UNIVERSITY! I knew that I was coming back to school for the fall semester, working on finishing this degree of mine that has truly been taking too many years to finish, and trying to get back to Swaziland next year. I am excited about this opportunity that is before me. You see, I have a close friend that doesn't live too far from campus, but even on the drive through part of Dallas in the morning gave me too much anxiety to do that multiple times a day. I get to campus to meet with some of the staff, trying to figure out what to do with my life for the next however long and meet and greet the other newbies in this DBU pond we find ourselves in. I walked into one of the dorms and asked if they happened to have any rooms open so I could move in. (Keep in mind I had been in Texas about 2 days and still hadn't made it to my belongings I had left in storage in Abilene.) I sat around for a bit, filling out paperwork, trying to figure things out and then I went back and met with a few of the dorm "mothers."

The new chapel at DBU as the sun was setting and the storms were just overhead!

They first asked me how I felt about living in a 3 person dorm and I told them I had spend the past year living with multiple people in close quarters. What's another 2? Then she came back showed me the room and I had to fill out information about my new room. Not really sure how that all happened so quickly, but Praise the Lord! I moved a few of my bags in that I had brought back from Africa and had been living out of into my new area. Shortly there after my new roommate moved in. The more I have gotten to know her over the past few weeks, the more fun we have together and our room is great to hang out in.

Our room, well only a portion of it.

I absolutely love the time I have spent at DBU thus far, as they encourage the students to serve, they encourage accountability and discipleship and Boundaries. I haven't been in a Baptist setting in a while, but I'm starting to really enjoying it, not in a legalistic way, of course.

My Return to America

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

After a long flight, some frustrations and unexpected delays, I have finally arrived back in America. Okay, so I have been here for 48 hours now, but I am still in denial that I'm back. It hasn't hit me yet. I find myself sitting in my friend's gorgeous house with AC and wireless that is unlimited and fast. I have enjoyed a few of the luxuries I have missed over the past year, like Dr. Pepper, Reece's peanut butter cups and Mexican food, but still haven't had a beef burger from Sonic! Today I was supposed to be in North Carolina already, spending time with a friend before heading back to Texas, but instead I am sitting in this living room on a very comfortable, cozy couch. My car decided to not work properly yesterday and now I'm still in Georgia. All day I have been trying to figure out what is wrong with my car and how much it is going to cost. It has been a frustration, mainly because every time I have a plan it always changes. EVERY TIME! One would think to stop planning, and yet I don't. It has been good in a way, spending time with other friends, sharing some of what the Lord has brought me through over the past few years and actually spending time processing the fact that I'm back here and not holding my little babies or hanging out with the teenage girls. It's odd knowing that I'm not going across the street to check on Dudu or spend time with her sisters. And of course not waking up and seeing Gift's children every morning. Something we tell students as they are preparing to go home is, "You will enjoy maybe the first week of normalcy, qiuetness, alone time and eating everything you want whenever you want. But then it will kick in after that. You will miss your team and ministering alongside them. You will miss having people around you constantly and living a simpler life."

As I spend time on the couch, catching up with friends, reminiscing about the past year, missing all my Swazi family but knowing that I'll be back with them again. One of the things AIM focuses on is debriefing. We debrief everything. While I was an FYM we always joked about the whole debriefing process. But I guess recently I have been reminded of the importance of spending time, reflecting on the ministry, the highs and lows, the ways I saw God work and move and areas of my personal life I still need to work on. This is a time to rest in the presence of the Lord, to be poured back into before getting back out there. Maybe that's why I'm still sitting here in Georgia. Taking a breath before jumping in. The Lord knows what He is doing, especially when it doesn't fit in my plans.