I figure enough time has passed for this to be something I can now laugh about. A few weeks back I was at a conference my church was holding. After one of the sessions, we went into a time of worship. I found myself struggling with the idea of another “mountain top” or “spiritual high” experience and actually desiring a relationship with Christ that isn’t spurred on by another Christian conference. I prayed that I would have a real experience, on that isn’t based on a church event. I prayed that this experience would be evident of His love for me. Later on I even prayed that He would break me, mold me, and refine me in ways that wouldn’t leave an ounce of doubt in my mind. I prayed that God would even knock the air out of me. Who prays this? Well, here’s where his sense of humor kicks in.
I had plans to stay closer to our Flower Mound campus since it’s quite a drive from Grand Prairie. (For those not familiar…the DFW area is HUGE. It’s referred to as a metroplex because there are so many suburbs and other cities it’s difficult to distinguish one area from another. So while I live in “the metroplex” it still takes a bit of time to travel to certain areas.) My plans changed that evening and so I decided to head back to my house to sleep. I was about 20 minutes out from the house when I looked into my rear-view mirror and saw flashing lights. Awesome, of course I’m going to get pulled over. The state trooper pulled me over for speeding. He asked if there was a reason i was going 71 in a 60, and I told him the truth. I REALLY needed to go to the bathroom. (I have an undiagnosed medical problem that makes anything that goes into my body to come right back out.) I handed over my license and insurance. He told me that he was going to let me go with a warning. So he walked back to his truck and I sat in my car. I broke down from relief. And then it hit me like a brick wall. The warrant that I had taken care of hasn’t been removed. Of course I didn’t know that for sure, but I knew that was going to be the case. So the trooper came back to the car, asked me to step out and explained that I had a warrant on file. I knew I had taken care of this issue back in 2009 after returning from Swaziland. I have receipts but that didn’t seem to be enough proof needed to keep me out of Tarrant County Jail.
To keep this blog somewhat short, I’ll get to the point of how funny God is. I prayed for God to break me and to use whatever real life experience necessary to draw me closer to him and to know that He loves me. And then I was sitting in the trooper’s front seat heading to county lockup. It was an interesting experience, one that I don’t ever want to experience again, but I saw God’s grace through the little moments.
- On my way back from the conference it was like I had hit a brick wall of depression. It was a constant battle to refrain from “my hidden addiction.” I was integrating all the little tools of healthy coping mechanisms, going to the Lord in prayer…all the things I’ve been equipped with. God intervened by putting me somewhere without access to negative coping mechanisms to keep me safe.
- I was given my own cell which was a HUGE blessing. I could finally use the bathroom and with some sort of privacy. (Huge blessing.)
- God used people close to me to reveal how much he really loves me. And for them allowing God to speak to me through them is something I can’t even begin to explain. I just knew that God had heard my prayers and met me where I was. Such a beautiful thing to experience.
- I only had to spend one night in jail, didn’t receive a ticket for driving 11 mph over the speed limit and now know for sure that my record has been cleared (something very important to get into nursing school).
These are only a few things that I am able to rejoice over from that weekend. God’s love is unending and his grace is more than I deserve. God has put me in a place where I see his constant love and support from others. He has placed me in this suburb of Dallas for a time of healing and drawing me back to himself.
The bottom line:
Isabel, thank you for sharing this. It does seem that God, in his love, is willing to use tools we would never choose to shape us and re-build and that his ways are almost always surprising—working out life in ways we would never imagine. You, dear Isabel, are the beloved of the living God!