“It’s okay not to be okay, just don’t stay there.”
I hear this term or phrase or some variation of this every week and I see it played out in every day lives. How does this happen? Especially in a church or Christian setting. The church I attend is big on open doors. No one is turned away because of their lifestyles, vocations or baggage. Instead, people are welcomed in with open arms and doors, literally. There is always a way to get involved and plugged in, ways to serve in the community and globally.
Last semester was very difficult for me. I went from being in constant ministry in Swaziland, to college life in Dallas, Texas. These are two very different roles. I knew that if I didn’t get involved with a church body then it would be easy to stay away from church my entire time in Dallas. I visited a few churches, but the one that stirred my heart surprised me. It’s a very large church, or at least larger than I’ve ever attended. How was I going to get involved or meet people? Was I really going to be able to build relationships in a church so large or was I going to be another face in the crowd? I’m usually fine being behind the scenes and unseen, but the entire Fall semester my heart was longing for community. I went to church every week, and yet I found myself longing after more. I was a hermit. I spent all my extra time looking inward to my selfishness.
I knew something had to change. In order for me to move forward in what the Lord has called me to do, I had to get involved with community. I had to have accountability in my life. I had to open up and be real and vulnerable with people around me. Was I really ready to make the change necessary or was I going to continue fulfilling my selfish desires?
I found myself in a multi-generational home group with people from all stages in life. I attend a women’s Bible study, and I’m going through Recovery at The Village. Outside of the once a week church attendance, I have community, I have accountability and I have people to do life with, even if it is for only a few hours a week. Each group offers something different. Each of these studies are much needed in this time of my life. At first I was wondering if I was going too far with getting so involved, and have often thought about dropping out of one. But the Lord has not allowed me to do this. He has given me women and men to speak truth into my life, as well as challenging me in pursuing the Lord. In order to pour into others I have to first be filled with more of Him.
So how does this all tie in? In many Christian environments, it is NOT okay to not be okay. We have been trained to believe that as Christians our lives should be perfect and problem free. And out of this, hypocrisy is born. We wear this mask, making everyone around, believers and unbelievers alike, believe that we have it all together, that we are immune from the troubles of this world. But the truth is, behind all our masks, we lose ourselves, we lose sight of the Lord, we stumble and fall…a lot.
So this idea of “it’s okay not to be okay, just don’t stay there” is very relieving. It takes a lot of pressure off once one really grasps this. God doesn’t want a future version of ourselves, He wants us just as we are, in our filth, as a mess…He is not surprised by anything we do or don’t do. He is all-knowing before time began. He formed us and He loves us. He loves ME now. Not me when I have it all together. I guess the thing that I love so much about this church is that even the pastors are open and honest. The pastors shepherd us along, while being real and not trying to appear as something they are not. They go through Recovery, they admit when they have failed us, they don’t deny having sin. There is no pedestal to separate us. We are all part of the Body of Christ and have been called to walk this journey together.
