What Ruts?

“Without Christ, we learned how to cope or defend ourselves as a means of survival. Psychologists call these survival techniques defense mechanisms: denial, rationalization, projection, blaming, lying, emotional insulation, and so on. They are also known as flesh patterns or mental strongholds. These mental habit patterns of thought are pathways grooved into our brains. It is similar to when a truck is driven along the same route in a pasture, rain or shine, every day for months. Deep ruts are formed, and it isn’t long before the truck will just stay in the ruts without being steered. In fact, any attempt to steer out of the ruts is met with resistance.” Winning the Battle Within Neil T. Anderson

Life is a journey. I travel along this road that is nice and smooth. I’m comfortable with driving and I don’t foresee too many problems along the way. I go ahead and pray for safe travels under my breath. Today’s destination, “Ngwane Central High School” in  Nhlankano. I’ve never been here, unsure of what the drive is going to look like but excited about driving! It’s drizzling outside, but I don’t pay too much attention to it. The more I drive the less familiar the territory becomes. The roads are still smooth with only a few potholes here and there. And then there are huge speed bumps that catch me off guard. Before I know it I hit them too hard and am forced to slow down. The girl sitting beside me kindly chimes in, “Yeah, I forgot to tell you that these bumps are big.” I think to myself, “Man, I wish I knew that before I gave everyone in the car whiplash!” The longer I drive, the more dangerous the roads become, often times barely inching our way up the hills. At times I want to stand on the side of the road and gaze upon the beauty of God’s creation that surrounds me. Instead I keep driving with the school being my focus. After a few false turns, we finally reach the road to take us to the school. I think to myself, “This is going to be interesting…this morning was the first time I’ve ever driven down a muddy road and I’m about to conquer 3 miles of this mud…” I say another quick prayer asking for safety and also that our car doesn’t get stuck in the unforgiving mud. I don’t want to get out and push, I’m much too tired for that and didn’t sign up for this much dirtiness when I took on this task. Parts of the road are drivable while others I wonder if they have ever been a road. I keep pressing forward, trying to stay in the tire tracks from cars that have gone before me. And then we arrive! Not once did the car get stuck. Instead of rejoicing I think, “Let’s pray some more for the return journey.”

My life has been a lot like my travels today. In all actuality, this has probably been my life for the past six years. I’ve been traveling on this road of smooth sailing for so long and have only encountered minor bumps and potholes along the way. At the time I saw them more as frustrations causing me to veer from my goal, but as I look back they are all annoyances and don’t mean too much overall. As time goes on the road becomes more dangerous but everything the Lord had been doing in my life is gorgeous–I’ve just been going too fast to slow down and grasp His greatness all around me. I’m on this road traveling, knowing that I’m heading in the right direction but still unsure of which roads are the right ones to take. Recently I’ve been traveling down this muddy road. I know that there are good things there at the end but the road itself doesn’t look too promising. Why in the world would someone willingly travel down this road? All along the way are rivers needing to be crossed, boulders lying obnoxiously and cows all getting in the way. I’m so focused on not being stuck that I miss out on what the Lord is really wanting to do in my life. I’ve been missing out on the fellowship and times of joy and laughter because I have become so consumed with avoiding these ruts.

Just like I safely returned from this journey today, I know that the Lord keeps His promises and is bringing me out of this deserted place I have found myself in, out of the constant struggles of making my own paths instead of following in the same mindset I have been following for years, and out of the mud I wallow in every time I get stuck. I find myself rejoicing and waiting in expectation for God to come and move in mighty ways, not only with our team here in Swaziland, but also with our families back home. As much as we are fasting and interceding for issues in Swaziland, more prayers are being answered regarding our families and friends back home. He is faithful because He is I AM!