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Last night there was a knock on the door from the Real Life leader here. He said, “there are kids that haven’t gone home and now they are sleeping…what should I do?” So he took them home. Then this morning they were already back so early. When asked about their mother, “She never came home last night. She was out drinking all night,” and the father recently died from AIDS. These girls are so young. One is only 9 and she is taking care of her 2-year-old sister. They hadn’t eaten since lunch provided from the carepoint yesterday at 1. It was now Sunday at 10 am. Pastor Gift’s wife, Philile, made a big bowl of porridge for them to eat. I sat and made sure the baby got to eat and that the dog didn’t take her food away. The other children that were around finished eating and went off to play at the other end of the property, leaving this two-year-old to finish eating all alone. I sat with her as she slowly brought the oversized spoon to her little mouth and licked off all of the porridge from it.  After she had eaten all her stomach could take, she sat playing with a little twig from the ground. She was leaning on my leg and was looking so tired. I spoke to her in what little Siswati I know, but still nothing was said from her. Eventually she was in my lap, laying there as this tiny person that deserves so much more than she is receiving at “home”. She fell asleep in my arms. This tiny little girl. As I was holding her my heart broke. The tears wouldn’t stop coming. My already stuffed up nose was gathering more snot, but I just didn’t care. What if this was my daughter, my sister, my niece?  There are so many thoughts that run through my head. I want to fix this situation but what would that look like? What do you do? What can I do? And I still have no answer. The only thing I know to do is to love this tiny person that God has created. To be Jesus with skin on.

3 responses to “What to do with this brokenness?”

  1. Isabel….please don’t ever discredit the power of loving someone. We know love because God first loved us. Is God calling you to do more? Maybe…but right now He is calling you to love and that’s what you are doing. Remember how much your Father delights in you in your obedience to Him and the way you love His children. I am praying for you- I am honored to know you and be your sister in Christ! I love you Izzy!

  2. Isabel, the most moving part of the vision trip that we shared together almost a year ago was holding a little on as her body relaxed into sleep. I “heard” the voice of Jesus telling me, “Be my arms. Hold my baby.” God’s baby, Isabel. To this day, the memory brings tears to my eyes.

    Yes, God is mighty. He can move the mountains. And right now he is choosing to use beautiful YOU to hold one of his precious ones. Praise God that you were there to do just that!

    -Debi

  3. Isabel,
    We have never met, but I found your blog through my connections with AIM. I was in Swaziland in February on a vision trip…can’t wait to go back! After reading your blog today I just want to encourage you and assure you that holding that little one was exactly what you needed to do at that moment! When I was in Nsoko, I sat for over an hour on the ground with a baby/toddler on my lap as I “finger fed” him his pap because his tin dish was too hot for him to hold by himself. For those few moments in time, there was nowhere else I could have been doing more for the Kingdom than right there in the red dirt! If you go through your days in Nsoko whispering to the Lord “now what? show me, show me” then you will never have to doubt a thing!
    As Heidi Baker says over and over in her ministry “Love the one…love the one in front of you”…
    Hope to meet you someday!
    Jen