I recently ended things with my boyfriend of 7 months. It was difficult on many levels. I knew it wasn't a relationship the Lord wanted me to be in, yet I pursued it anyway. I consumed my time with him too. I was happy living this life of having someone near me constantly. We shared the same friends, had many of the same interests and school activities, and yet that wasn't enough for our relationship. God has given me dreams and desires. I am going to live in Africa and minister there. I am going to raise my family on the "mission field" and am very excited about it. I know that this wasn't an interest he shared with me. I guess I knew from the beginning that things weren't really going to work out, but it was comfortable being in that place with him. I returned from Swaziland and the Lord was telling me that it was time to end it. He was wanting to take me to a place of renewal and refreshing before leading a group of students in South Africa for 9 months. I've been there before. Relationships can be a hinderance to the family unit that is our team. Even though he would be here, a lot of my time and would be consumed with thinking about the next time I could talk to him or send him an email. So back to what the Lord has been telling me. The time that I spent with this guy I could be spending with Him, going deeper into an intimate relationship. It was a mutual decision. We ended things and I didn't think it would be that difficult. I still see him around and every time I do my heart breaks again. I had created a bond between us that is still very much there. I had to leave tonight so I wouldn't make mistakes I would regret later. It was difficult. As I walked away crying I was so mad at myself. Why do I continually place myself in these situations? Wouldn't it be easier to avoid relationships all together? Or what would happen if we got back together until I left for South Africa. I turned to my good friend and was expressing my current dilemma. Then she spoke words I knew to be true, just needed a reminding of them tonight.